Sunday, February 7, 2010

Fatigue

So for the past few nights from about 10:30pm to 4 am, we can't get the baby to settle down. He fusses the entire time except when he's eating. It's been nerve racking. The first night it happened we tried to console him a number of different ways: walking the floor, swaddling, sucking, shushing, and even at 4 in the morning we strapped him in the car seat and drove around. He fell asleep but then woke up after we brought him home. We promptly fed him and he passed out. We thought that it was because he was hungry and or wanted to be cuddled.

The next evening we did something that we both regret. Tough love. We tried leaving him to cry in the bassinet hoping that he would fall asleep on his own. This went on until I held his hands and tried consoling him until he fell asleep probably from exhaustion from all the crying. We thought now maybe the problem was gas.

Last night we were better prepared for it. My husband decided to take this night over since he's managed to figure out the best ways to console our son. I needed the space for recovery so he spent a lot of time learning. He let him suck on his fingers and finally sat upright on the couch until my son fell asleep. This didn't happen til about 6 this morning.

Tonight is my turn and I'm totally worried that I'm going to wig out and become a really bad mommy. I've been battling my own healing and recovery and basically have only helped out with diapers and feeding him. Now I have to take my husband tips and apply them: he likes to suck on a finger, he likes to cuddle up next to a person to sleep, you sometimes have to distract him to calm him down to get him to suck on the finger.

This morning I got him up and he fusses for a little while. Daytime fussing is nothing compared to night time fussing. I felt like a failure and awkward trying to console him. Eventually I put him in the sling took him downstairs and let him suck on my finger until he passed out. He's still asleep in the sling. Taking him out so I can nap to be rested for this evening's event is going to be interesting.

Oh and we've back tracked on the cloth diapers. They kept scratching his umbilical chord and we can't seem to get them folded well enough around his body. I told hubby that maybe we should use snappis or safety pins, but we decided it would be better to wait for his umbilical chord fell off first. We're not pros and we don't want to hurt him. My mom is coming in a week. She used cloth diapers on me so I'm going to blend what she knows with the latest in diaper technology. Hopefully between the two of us we can come up with something that will work. My mom told me last night "don't give up on the cloth yet."

Nothing seems to be going as well as I wished. Most laid plans never do. It just makes me question why I became a parent and if I'm any good. My husband says that I've done a great job especially all the preliminary work. Buying the sling was a great idea he says. He says that newborns are hard that no one likes this part of being a parent. It helps but I still feel inadequate. I keep trying to look ahead. He's only a week old. In a few months I won't be facing the same problems. It will be easier the older he gets because I will have experience on my side. I've never had to raise or take care of a newborn before. The months will fly by but for now I've got to remind myself that I'm still coming off the hormones and that it will get easier with time. It's like labor- during the middle of it I caught myself thinking now I know why women get abortions, but then afterward I realized that it was totally worth it and how stupid that thought was. We all despair and think the less of ourselves when faced with hardship. I just need a good swift kick in the pants to remind me that I can't give up at the beginning of the journey. It's not the destination anyway. I just need to step off the path a little bit and smell the roses.

But I also sometimes need a hug and to be cuddled too. It's not easy. Hubby dashed off to work for about an hour. I think I'll go hug my son.

3 comments:

  1. Hang in there... It really does get easier. *hugs*

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  2. It gets easier and you will get to sleep again one day. Brennan was a perfect baby. He never got sick, never fussed, never cried, he only had reflux which would cause us to go through about 10 outfits in a day. That lasted until he was eating solid foods. So, we had gotten spoiled thinking maybe our next baby would be just as easy. HAHAHA. Ethan STILL doesn't sleep through the night at 17 months. But, we survive.

    And with Ethan, he had his days and night confused for about the first two weeks and I couldn't leave the house because I was nursing and he wanted to eat every 20 minutes it seemed like and I am not a fan of "whipping it out" in public. It gets easier,and this time next year he'll be walking and talking a little and you'll wonder what happened to the time.

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  3. Prayers! Those first few months are tough, but it does get easier each week. I remember thinking last time around..."I've only slept six hours during the last three days!" And DH would come home from work (where he slept because he had 72 hour shifts) and say "I only slept 7 hours last night, so I'm going to go take a nap!" and I would really almost go completely insane!

    Sleep was definitely the most difficult part of parenting for me in the beginning though. I finally caved on the whole pacifier thing (I know, I know, there's so much against them when you read about them) after about a week because my daughter was nursing for 7 consecutive hours and even the lactation consultants were saying, "she can nurse, it really won't hurt her latch..." Basically the point I'm getting around to in a round about way being that there were so many things I was "sure" I would never do until Sadie actually got here!

    You're in our prayers! You'll be a pro in a couple of weeks though! It's a steep learning curve at first, but, as everyone has said, it really does get easier!

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