Saturday, March 27, 2010

Sex

* Warning this material is not suitable for young children. Please be advised that while this material does not contain pornographic style information, it is a mature-based discussion about the subject.

Anyways this is a two-fold discussion: 1) discussing sex with my child 2) sex post baby

1) Hubby and I are very open people, in the sense that we don't sugar coat things and we don't lie. If our child asks us where babies come from, we'll honestly tell them complete with appropriate body part names. There will be no babies live in tummies. Babies grow in wombs. Food goes in tummies aka stomachs. We also don't plan on hiding our sex lives either. We plan on saying that mommies and daddies have sex and make babies. And that our son's mommy and daddy have sex. That's just us. We don't sugar coat things.

The reason for all this openness is for its own sexual revolution. No, hubby and I will not become swingers. We just don't feel that our children should find out about sex all at once when they hit puberty. We feel that it should be a gradual process both to make them feel comfortable in their own body and to protect them from sex offenders. As they grow up we want them to learn about body parts names and about how babies are made and that girls get periods etc. We want them to feel comfortable with their bodies and not think that sex is bad. Because sex isn't bad, it's a beautiful loving and giving part of a marriage. Feeling like something is wrong with you because you feel an urge to have sex or a desire for your spouse is something that we think is stupid. Sex is natural and a desire for one's spouse is normal. It's also important to know that these are our bodies and that nobody should touch them unless we want them too (ie mommy is cleaning my dirty diaper or giving me a bath). And in order to know this we want to discuss good touches and bad touches. Hence the reason for sexual education at a young age.

2) Move into sex post baby, there have been a number of articles in various magazines about sex post baby. A lot of women are terrified of the pain and also conscious of the now changed body. I think the biggest help for getting back into the bedroom for us has been time, patience, and lots of discussion. My husband reassures my that he hasn't noticed any major physical changes although I know for a fact that I have scar tissue. And then there's the being tired, sore booby's , leaking for all orffaces (I've even drooled on my pillow), etc. This does not help any woman feel "sexy".

So for all those woman out there. Tell your husband to ease into things and to remind him to be patient. Also tell him how you feel about your "new" body. Things are going to be and feel different. But as long as he thinks your sexy and reminds you of it daily (even while your combing spit up out of your hair), it will help. Remember he hasn't had any of that cement sealing sex in three months and you've been loving and doting on the baby instead of him. Try reconnecting with him if nothing else. Hire a babysitter. Rub his back or get him to rub yours. Be creative and carve out time for the two of you if getting back in the sack is just not feasible right then.

The main thing is don't forget him and his emotional needs (sex being the physical need that helps him feel emotionally connected to you). My ob wisely told me not to let my marriage start to take a backseat. You want to nurture it like a garden. So go ahead pull out some weeds.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah we're not sugar coating this w/ our kids either... age appropriateness, sure... but not lying or making up stories either. I've seen what happens when someone does that. Its scary.

    I can honestly say I wasn't so much scared post baby, but I really didn't think about it for almost the full 6 weeks. I didn't stop bleeding until then either though. I felt horrible when I realized I hadn't given it a thought. Thankfully my husband understood. I'm not sure how he'll feel after this baby but right now he's saying he wants to give us a little longer this time because he knows how hard and stressful it might be. I'm glad we're talking about it now either way.

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