Thursday, June 10, 2010

What I want HB to learn from his parents

Today I went to my BSG (breastfeeding support group). He hasn't really gained any weight. I've heard that this happens, but it still makes me nervous. The nurse suggested trying to increase his daytime feedings since he does fine at night. He also doesn't flip anymore. I think he just doesn't want to. His latest obsession has been grabbing things. He can hang onto his feet. And of course now my hair has a permanent dent in it and has morphed into hair ties. One day I'd like to put my hair down. I even have to wear it up when sleeping; it's just easier than looking for a hair tie in the dark while sleepy. *sigh*

Okay, switching topics. I had discussed a while back that I would write up a list of things that I felt was most important for HB to learn.

1) To develop a relationship with God. I plan on raising him Catholic, but I'm realistic. I would rather him decide to be Catholic instead of feel like there is a mounting pressure for him to be so and then rebel later in life. That was the policy my parents had, and my brother and I are still Catholics.

2) To learn to respect all life. I've discussed a lot of my political views before about being anti-abortion, anti-death penalty, anti-euthanasia, a pacifist, etc. I also am really big into respecting the life on our planet that isn't human, and that's something that I want to pass onto him. But I believe that this something he has to see; it just can't be said but lived. That's why I don't plan on practicing spanking. My husband and I every once in a while have discussions about this. We were both spanked as children, and it taught me nothing. Hubby doesn't want to rule it out entirely, but I do. I don't think that it's a good and respectful form of discipline. I just can't imagine explaining to HB that we respect others and their bodies so we can't hit people. Then I turn around and hit him on the butt for something he does wrong. People tell me that their children know the difference, but I didn't as a child so I feel that it's unreasonable for him to know that it's different. And a lot of countries outlaw it at home including Spain, Venezuela, Austria, New Zealand, Iceland, well you get the idea. But I'm getting off track. Basically I want him to learn how to respect others because he was respected by his parents. And I don't expect him to behave the way he does, if his parents do not behave this way as well.

3) Education and work ethic. My parents' policy was to get as much education as you can. This didn't work out for me and my brother. We don't have masters or doctorate degrees. I believe that education is important but if you want to run a restaurant you don't need a doctorate. My policy is work hard and get the education that you need to follow your dreams. If that means going back to school once you've figured that out, then that's fine. Go back packing in Europe for a while after high school or join the peace corps. Enjoy exploring the possibilities and opportunities of life. But work hard at what you do. Don't just slack off, which is something some college students do because they can't decide what to do with themselves. Also take pride and respect in what you do; don't do something that you can't tell your family about. Most people don't work by themselves. Courtesy of others in your place of work is important.

4) Family or no family. That decision is up to him and God. If he does decide to have a family, I don't expect him to think that running out on them is an option. His ultimate responsibility will be to his family (I hope).

I really can't think of anything else. Things like being healthy (eating right and not doing drugs), could fall under respect for yourself category, which is also important. And learning to live with only what you need, is something that falls under respect for life because we shouldn't hog all the resources of the world. I'm really stumped. Perhaps someone has a thought of their own. And now to get hubby to compile his own list and then compare.

3 comments:

  1. Agreed with the increase feedings advice.. if you're trying to nurse on a schedule I'd probably let go of that too. It tends to lend towards that happening.

    Zavier's a hair puller too lol. So weird to deal with since my first wasn't..

    I agree with your hubby on not ruling out the spankings.. because i have seen kids (not mine, a cousins) who they tried not to spank and nothing else got through to them. I've also seen the exact opposite.. like my daughter. We've tried it (despite also hating the idea) and it does not work with her. Recently I've found the corner does work for her. Is odd lol but she thinks its the worst thing in the world and has started minding me a little more. We're still working on everything, but its been a start. I want to get a reward chart of some kind or make one, but haven't been able to yet. That reminds me I need to get a move on with that. I can't wait until we're done with unpacking and everything.

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  2. I haven't been a big schedule person. I try to put him to sleep every couple of hours or so for naps and at night I've been putting him to sleep at 7:30pm. The feedings are touch and go especially now that everything distracts him. And I think that's the big problem. So I've decided to feed him side-laying in bed. He can't see much and there isn't anything going on in the bedroom during the day. It seems to be working because he's more diligent about eating. Hopefully that will work.

    On the spanking thing...every child is different that's true. My parents never gave me rewards for good behavior so it's good that you're doing that. At the day care, I found that each child needed a little something different but generally if the consequences were logical and the rules followed strictly less problems happened. I had a child color all over the furniture, the floor, the walls. No matter what I did he didn't seem to understand that what he did had a consequence. So one day I took his crayon and handed him the sponge. From then on anytime he wanted to color on something besides paper he had to clean it up himself. After a few times, he stopped coloring on stuff. I also had a messy eater who would throw his food on the floor. I wouldn't let him play unless he picked it up off the floor and threw it away. He'd try and run off and I'd just pick him back up and sit him beside the mess and tell him that after he picked it up he could play. Eventually nap time came around. He was tired and gave in threw his food away and went to his nap mat. I'd like to think that he stopped throwing food on the floor, but he didn't. So I just kept at it. Maybe now he doesn't do that anymore. The point is consistency. Results are important but you can't expect miracles with young children.

    Older children are a little trickier but that's why rewards are awesome. All kids need to know when their doing right just as much as when they do something wrong. I'm not saying go overboard with the rewards like tons of candy, but stickers go a long way with a three year old. And going out places like the movies or miniature golf with just mom or dad for school age children really makes a huge difference.

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  3. Yeah I try to make her clean up her messes too. Some are easier than others... Today she grabbed a sharpie and drew on a Bible!!!! Now thankfully its not one we use... was a NT KJV someone gave her... and it was only on the front and first page, but still. Uggh!!! Unfortunately even the easy fixes have been a prob lately because she's into this whole defiant thing right now. I'm about to pull my hair out...

    But yeah, I like the sticker idea, is just what I was thinking. I'm hoping it will help. I just need to find the stuff, which should be easy when I have time.

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I love to read your thoughts. Thanks for sharing!