Thursday, September 23, 2010

Our Wedding and the Aftermath

I need to confess. Yes, that one too, but no I mean about something that I think a priest may think is silly. I took some Chinese stuff. I wasn't paying attention and it was handed to me and I thought it rude to had it back. First things first, I won a door prize, but I don't think the cookbook was printed in China. They also give you something for your birthday (mine was over the summer). I ended up with a quote for every day of the year book which was printed in China. I also was given art supplies which the paint was made in China. And then my MIL sent me a bib with a jack-o-lantern face on it and it's made in China too. I am ashamed. I keep starring at these things wondering what sort of penance I should give myself. I wonder if the Tibetan government has some sort of way you can donate to their cause.

Okay so the wedding. Our wedding was not a shot gun wedding, if that's what your thinking. No, we planned HB and he was conceived shortly before our 2 year anniversary. The wedding was simple and didn't require a whole lot of time. I worked and volunteered at the church for a long time, which worked to my advantage because I didn't have to rent the space or the hall (which normally they don't let anyone use). I also knew the organist, so no fees there either.

I decided rather than having a dj or something that I would make my wedding a lunch one. The time was set for 11:30am (although we goofed on the announcements and put pm). The ceremony was simple. Hubby and his parents walked down the isle, then my brother alone, and then me and my parents. There were no bridesmaids or groomsmen. The wedding was family oriented. Grandparents (because of health) had been seated before hand. My FIL and mother were our witnesses and my MIL and brother did the readings. My father's job was not to cry. We didn't have a unity candle although those things aren't usually part of the Catholic wedding anyway. The ushers were supposed to be Hubby's two cousins but one was work bound so I asked my best friend from college to step in and help. One of hubby's young cousins was so excited to come that my MIL wisely told her that she was in charge of greeting the guests and asking them to sign the guest book. We didn't have a full Mass because well, Hubby's not Catholic and many of the guest's weren't either.

The reception took place in the Parish hall. Because of where we live, the wedding was catered Mexican. I ended up preparing for 100 people because that was what was returned. Alas only 60 showed up. My side of the family was particularly abysmal, but many of my friends came including an entourage of SAI sisters. The cake was three tiers and made from Albertsons (and dillish). At the reception, Hubby and I gave speeches. And we all ate. We ended up with a ton of left overs which we donated to a men's shelter including a ton of cake. They were excited about the cake.

After that Hubby and I went home and crashed. We ended up visiting Hubby's grandpa who came but got dehydrated and stayed in the hotel. You have to drink water out here, and I know some people don't like water so they refuse to follow the drink water often rule.

Our honeymoon was on a Monday. It too was simple. We stayed in a bed and breakfast in one of the quiet artsy towns in the same state. It's close to a tourist hot spot so we went there too. The bed and breakfast had been an old school house and was converted. Each of the rooms had a theme. We, of course, stayed in the music room. Got a great discount because it was the summer (most stay in cooler weather days) and because it was during the week.

I won't say that the first year or two was great because it wasn't. We actually went to marriage counseling to try and help with the obvious break downs in communication. It helped a lot and I would recommend that all couples to be or first year couples go. The big thing that's etched in my mind is that neither of us wanted to be apart and they we were both on each other's side. This helps when we get into spats. Because we do.

Chores is the big one. Hubby thinks that I should be doing more. And what I mean by that is take on a vast majority of the chores and perform them more often. But while everything has a spot in my house, not everything gets put back there. I don't stress over it and after three years of marriage Hubby has given up on that one. I also don't clean on a consistent basis. I clean if it's dirty. For example, if the carpet needs to be vacuumed, I will vacuum it. I don't vacuum every Thursday just to do it. That's me. I do try to do other things more consistently like the laundry because HB's diapers smell and they will pile up. In order for me to remember to do his diapers I have a calendar above his diaper changing table. They get washed every three days which means tomorrow. I like some amount of routine to stay on track (like remembering to feed HB) otherwise I will forget. That's why I kill plants; they don't tell you when they need to be watered. My cats will meow and stand next to where the food is kept if I forget.

We also tend to misunderstand one another. Which is why the counseling was especially helpful because Hubby has learned to explain things in more detail instead of making offhand comments that could be taken the wrong way. I've learned to ask and not jump to conclusions.

I won't say that things aren't perfect, but I think we've learned to solve more of our problems better. The biggest one is that Hubby's been pushing to have another child sooner rather than later. I don't want that. He also is wanting to "get it done and over with." and I don't. Right now, I think he needs to focus on graduating and then we can talk about it some more. And unfortunately for him, he's not going to win. If I had my way, we'd have another child when HB is three. I think the big compromise is two or two and a half. But Hubby would love to conceive another one next month. He's nuts. I can't deal with a baby and morning sickness and nursing all at once, which is what I told him.

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this with us! I really admire small, simple weddings, I plan to have one myself (god willing that's my vocation) :)

    And it's a good reminder that marriage is hard and not just puppies & rainbows...I have a few friends who are engaged and I know of someone who just got married...and we're only 19! So thanks for your honesty, and I'll definitely be praying for you.

    -Nikki

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wish I could remember more of mine lol. I was so nervous... and throw in not having a rehearsal or having been to a Maronite wedding before. I had no clue what was going to happen until it did. Someone told me months later about how all the Arabic threw them and I honestly didn't even know most of the ceremony was in it. Oops lol. I've heard that there's a video somewhere, but I haven't figured out who has it yet.

    I wanted a big wedding. And a Mass.. We started planning the first and I somewhat miss that, but ours was perfect even if it was smaller (and taken over... his aunts joked that it was like the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding.. and they were right). The Mass part... not a Maronite tradition so the priests veto'd that idea. Jas was happy about that... I still kinda wish we could have, but... eh.

    Counseling is a good idea. I have friends going through it now. We prob should but my hubby doesn't like the idea. Says we have no trouble communicating lol. In a way he's right, but in other ways... we have a lot to work on too.

    ReplyDelete

I love to read your thoughts. Thanks for sharing!