Hubby and I had a brief discussion yesterday. When couples get married women (not all) want the man to change and men want the woman to stay the same. But what happens is the guy who likes to watch a lot of football will always want to watch football. And the woman who has a kid will suddenly start dressing different, asking her hubby to not let the kids watch tv, and will suddenly drop hobbies from the single-life to join mom groups and make play dates.
In other words, I told Hubby that since HB's birth, I've changed and want to continue to in a positive direction. I want to be a better person to set a good example for HB. Hubby wants me to be the same person that I always was for better or worse. As I told Hubby, I'm not expecting him to change, but you kind of have to when you have children. You're priorities are different and you have to make room in your life for them. Like it or not, Hubby and other new dads have to change.
In a lot of ways, I've become an emotional basket case or you could say that I've softened my tough exterior. Certain songs that I thought were cute before now bring me to tears when listening to them and looking at HB. I think he thinks his mom is crazy. And it feels like I'm a little crazy too. But the songs must somehow touch a part of myself that is full to the brim with love for him. And when you add another drop to that bucket of love, the bucket over flows and out come the tears. I guess that's the best way to describe it. I love Hubby too, but it's not the same thing. I didn't watch Hubby grow up. I only know him the way that he is. HB on the other hand, is like a different joy. I wish that I could capture every moment of his life and be able to hold it up to look at it. But alas it vanishes like smoke and becomes a sweet memory. He's constantly changing and it's hard to keep up with that on an emotional level. I can't wait until he's older and slows down a bit. I know my heart will still melt and my bucket will over flow, but at least I can watch the moments and milestones slow up a bit.
Songs that make me cry: