Friday, May 20, 2011

Born this Way?

Again, I remind everyone that the Church is clear about treatment of gay people.

I've been reading a lot lately about how being gay is something that a person is born into. I'm not so sure that's the case. I'm not an expert on child development, but being a teacher I've taken a few classes on the subject.

Children don't figure out their gender or rather their gender roles until around ages 3-5. It doesn't make sense to me that a child of that age can understand that they are attracted to a certain group of people (gay, straight, white, black, blond, blue eyes etc) if they are trying to figure out what it means to be a girl or a boy. It may come up that mommies are girls and marry daddies, but the attraction element for them personally doesn't come into play. Yes, one can argue that children can identify someone as being pretty or ugly, but again I'm talking about sexual attraction vs. attraction. Even babies identify people as being ugly or pretty. I can always admire a women, but that doesn't make me attracted to her sexually. So I can't say that a person is born straight let alone born gay. Children simply don't think along those lines.

My own sexual identity didn't emerge until the age of 10, which is when puberty started. Contrary to popular belief, you begin puberty long before breasts buds and periods because it starts out with hormones. There is a consensus among child psychologists that puberty is the most common time for people to begin the process of sexual identity. It doesn't matter if your straight or gay. You find yourself changing what makes a person sexually attractive during your teenage years. Do you think curly or straight hair is sexy? Do you like tall people? Do you like people with "a little junk in the trunk?" Generally one doesn't settle on a sexual orientation until sometime in their late teens, and even some adults oscillate back and forth about their sexuality from being bi-sexual to straight (for example).

So again the idea that someone is born gay or straight like they are born asian or brown eyed seems like an exaggeration. I don't think I was born straight. I think that's just where I ended up.

Now whether a person can start out gay and become straight is an entirely different issue. As I mentioned teens (and some adults) often oscillate between different sexual orientations. So theoretically a person can believe they are gay to discover a couple of years later that that's not the case. But I do believe that once you are firmly into your adult years your sexual orientation is more clearly defined and it's more unlikely that your orientation will ever change.

But what really annoys me like a fly buzzing around my head is the lack of self-control over people's sexual urges. The common argument around the liberal crowd is that gay people should be allowed to be married. It's only fair. Life's not fair. Not every straight person gets married even if they want to. I could name a lot of straight people who aren't married and never had relationships for one reason or another. It isn't like they didn't want to be married either. I have several friends in the 30s looking for love. Sometimes getting married isn't going to happen. Marriage is a privileged that not all straight people get either.

And in that vein, this also applies to the "have a right to love who I want to." I find this argument silly. It's the same argument pedophiles and adulterers use. Yet I think we can all agree that there is something terribly wrong with an adult falling in love with a three year old child. And in some way I think there is something less wrong about two adults falling in love with each other. But that doesn't mean a person shouldn't show self-restraint. Arnold needed to have.

I also think that any sexual act can't be one of selfishness. You can't co-habitat, you can't have gay sex, and you can't be an adulterer. They are wrong. But I also think within the confines of a marriage, spouses have to work within guidelines too. I could go into details, but we'll keep it clean. I don't think a spouse can do whatever they want to their spouse without their spouse's permission. That's called rape and it's illegal in our country, but it's not illegal in other countries. There are again, other things, but this one is the biggest one so I'll stop there.

My point is that I don't think we're born this way and I do believe that no matter a person's sexual orientation, we don't have the right to do or love just anybody the way that we want to. It's selfish if nothing else. I think as a society we need to learn some self-control. And I'm sorry if that makes people a little uncomfortable or even angry. Sex is a privilege not an entitlement.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love to read your thoughts. Thanks for sharing!