Monday, June 13, 2011

Love Languages

Hubby and I have talked a lot about the Love Languages. We finally broke down and are reading the book.

There are five love languages and the one that I know I don't have is physical touch. Ironically it's one of hubby's strongest ones.

My parents can attest that I dread hugs, I cringe at kisses, I hate being touched. It bugs me. It's not that I'm unaffectionate. I'm just physically unaffectionate. I don't like being touched and never have. The only person who I tolerate touching me is my son for obvious reasons. I don't like PDA and I don't like Private Displays of Affection either. Hubby thinks I'm weird and is at times real frustrated when I don't want a hug.

This only gets worse with pregnancy. I feel fat. I have crazy hormones that make me feel hot and let's face it, it is hot because it's 100 degrees. I have a child who all day climbs all over me and pulls on my shirt. I don't like being touched, but right now I don't want to be touched.

So when Hubby goes into "let me physically show you I love you" mode I can't stand it. For one thing I grow suspicious, not the kind of suspicious like "what did you do wrong", but the kind that says "why are you trying to kiss me. 15 minutes ago you got huffy at me. Are you crazy?" I tell him I feel fat so he tries to rub my abdomen and tell me it's cute. Not helping.

He means well. But it's not my love language. I've looked at them, taken the online test, and have concluded that I don't have a love language. There isn't something someone can say, or do, or give that makes me think that the love me in that particular moment or builds on the fire. I feel nothing. And it's not them or for lack of trying. It's me.

Take my mother. Her love language is giving gifts. She sends me stuff all the time and I think I disappoint her that I don't act over-the-moon about it. Thanks, is all I can muster. I understand she's trying to tell me she loves me, but I don't feel loved. I don't feel anything except maybe she should cut down. She once sent me a box full of flashlights. Love my mom, but the gifts don't do it for me.

Or take my dad. His love language is words of affirmation. He's always telling me how proud he is of me or how great I am or how beautiful I am. It's sweet and probably the closest anyone gets to my "showing me love" meter, but after a while, I'm starting to wonder what the fuss is all about. My suspicious meter kicks into gear.

There's also spending time with a person, which I guess is more my love language. But like everything else that get's old too.

And there's doing things for me, which doesn't usually happen often enough. So when it does I wonder what the person is trying to make up for.

I guess you could say I'm more suspicious rather than trusting when people try to show they love me. I don't trust it. Don't get me wrong. I want to be treated with respect, but sometimes I just want to be left alone. I guess my love language is independence so leaving me alone from time to time or letting me be alone is good.

And I really think, other than gifts and touch, I'm a mismash of love languages. The rest of three are a lot better but after a while it doesn't work. That's why I don't think the whole love languages thing works for me. And it's probably why people have a hard time relating to me because I use all the languages and don't like an over-abundance of one.

I guess I'm weird. I love language aversions and tolerances. I just don't understand why someone needs me hug them to show that I care. Can't I just say that I care and that be enough? Why the need for the languages at all? Why can't my husband feel loved unless I give him a kiss? I just don't get it.

1 comment:

  1. it sounds like you are introverted- and 're-charge' when you are alone...tell your husband that and he might understand when you need alone time...but, yes, kisses are a part of marriage!


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