Monday, November 14, 2011

Extreme Frustration

I hate a few things in life.  1) I hate people who "think outloud" any decision making.  My husband does this a lot going back and forth until I'm utterly confused.  And then he tells me later that he never decided anything.  I'm not sure if this is a normal peeve for people, but it drives me up the wall.  I don't care to listen to anyone's inner dialogue especially if it seems like they've decided something and are using it to clue me in.  I suppose the reason is because it makes the person seem indecisive or worse it totally confuses me into thinking one thing.  I don't mind listening to a person's thought process afterwards to get constructive feedback.  But my husband tells me every thought that comes across his head and I really get irritated about that.

2) Indecisiveness drives me crazy too.  This may be the reason for my hate of "thinking outloud."  Some decisions are cut and dry, meaning they are real obvious.  The not so obvious ones may require a little thinking to figure out a solution.  But the ones that it doesn't really matter like tatter tots or french fries, now come on really.  Why do people change their minds about that sort of thing so much?  I'm sure that people working the drive thru get so tired of that.

3) Once I make a decision that's what I stick with.  Otherwise I could care less.  For example, my husband and I have bantered back and forth (apparently) about his attendance during the birth.  Honestly, I don't care one wit if he's there or if anyone is there for that matter.  My husband wasn't there for the first birth, and my husband lacks emotional support to the nth degree.  Oh, he's good about practicality, but all I can see is him making some rather disgusting jokes about things like eating the placenta or it looks like a wet dog coming through the cat door.  Calah calls her husband the Ogre.  I would say that my husband is sort of an Ogre too in that he lacks any real tact, but Court Jester might be a better description.  Maybe we need to start a support group.  Sorry digressed into a rant.  The point is that the decision isn't up to me.  It's up to my husband who has informed me that he wants to be there.  Fine.  Over an apparent misunderstanding, he has not found anyone to watch HB for him yet (I think :\ )  So basically I had to tell him that he needs to find someone if that's what he wants to do or he has to watch HB.  And that's that.  I wash my hands of it.

4) Not understand people's meaning.  So Hubby contacted the marriage and family coordinator at our church to ask for help, help for a number of things from regular babysitting to finding someone to watch HB while I'm in labor.  I got the impression on Saturday that the coordinator had found a family to watch HB for labor, but her email just says watch HB.  So we went to the thing and she introduces us and I swear (but maybe I've lost my marbles) that the guy asked if we were the ones who needed someone for labor.  Hubby who was standing two inches to my left does not recall any such conversation.  In fact, he tells me that he didn't know that this man was the person we were supposed meet (which explains why he asked me about it later but Hubby has a tendency confuse faces).

To top it off, I kept saying to Hubby well if I'm wrong why did the guy ask where we lived and what hospital.  Hubby's response was isn't that normal conversation.  I really don't think you ask a stranger where they live unless you're making plans to have them over or something.  Nor do you ask about the hospital.  Usually you ask about the doctor or how the person's feeling or that sort of thing.  Hospital's not normally what you ask about.  So maybe I'm right.

And this is what led to an argument today because I swear Hubby said they were willing to watch HB during labor and that he was present to hear all that.  And Hubby swears he didn't hear anything of the sort and never said anything to remotely give that impression.

And this is what we've been arguing about a lot.  My favorite phrase these days is "I don't understand what you're saying" or "I don't understand what you mean."  To which he usually responds with "how do you not understand?  What am I saying doesn't make sense to you?"  Oh, what he's saying makes sense he's just not providing enough context.

And the irony of it all is that marriage workshop was about communication.  And none of it had to do with clarity.  It had to do with talking more.  Little good it did.

Update:  Hubby tells me that a friend of his calls this little recall phenomenon this:  that Hubby has split personality disorder, all of his personalities are the same behavior wise, but they don't remember what the other personality was privy too.  I could see that as being somewhat true.  Since my husband didn't even recall any of the registration stuff with any clarity, and I had to remind him about signing our names, and name tags, and asking about the program stuff (Oh, now I remember that).  So maybe I haven't lost my mind.  I still feel like shooting myself in the foot though.  

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