Thursday, November 10, 2011

Having THE Talk

Riding home in the car on the way back from Mass discussing the upcoming Mass times for All Saints

Me:  *peering at the bulletin's letter from the priest about funerals*  So we need to talk about something.  What kind of funeral would you like?

Hubby:  I've got a long time to think about it.

Me:  But what if you die tomorrow?  What am I supposed to do?

Hubby:  Throw me a giant party and tell people not to cry.

Me:  *sarcastically* Yeah, that's totally going to work.  Seriously, you can't make people not cry.  So what kind of funeral do you want?

Hubby:  I don't know.  I really don't want one.

Me:  Oh, that won't fly.  Your family would be really pissed at me if I did nothing.  You have to have something.

Hubby: *grumbling* fine 

Me:  You know that you could have a Catholic funeral because you were Baptized Catholic.

Hubby:  How bout I just have a Jewish funeral.  Aren't those more joyful parties?

Me:  One problem.  You don't go to a Temple.  Now I would do that for you if you did, but since you don't I think it would be odd for me to go contact a Rabbi.  I also don't think they are "joyful parties."

Hubby:  *thinks a minute*  I guess I could have a Catholic funeral, but I'm not really Catholic.

Me:  You could have a Baptist funeral since that's what you were.

Hubby:  No, I really don't want a Baptist funeral.

Me:  Okay.

Time passes.

Hubby:  Maybe I'll have a Muslim funeral.

Me:  Again that would require you to attend a Muslim service, which you don't.  And I'm not about to contact an Imam for a person who is not Muslim especially since I'm not a Muslim and you've never attended a service.

Hubby:  You don't have to attend a service to be a Muslim do you?  I thought you only had to say a prayer.

Me:  Yes, that's true.  *pause in conversation* The problem is that you don't plan on attending any of these services.  But the one church services that you do attend happen to be Catholic.  You could have a Catholic funeral.

Hubby:  Oh, alright.  Fine.  I'll have a Catholic funeral.  But can I be cremated?

Me:  Yes, I can have you cremated if that's what you want.

A couple days later.

Hubby:  So I want to be cremated.  I'm going to assume you want a Catholic funeral.

Me:  Yes.

Hubby:  Do you want to be buried?

Me:  No, cremated.

Hubby:  Okay.  What should I do for HB if you know you both die and I'm all that's left.

Me:  Bury him.

Hubby:  Bury him?

Me:  Yep, give him a Catholic funeral and bury him.

Hubby:  Okay.

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