A couple of nights ago, Hubby and I were watching an old episode of Star Trek. In it Data talks about his "first time" with deceased Lt. Yar. Hubby mentioned something about how everyone remembers there "first time" no matter how strange (as was in the case of a previous episode). Then he divulged how one of his friend's "first times" was a one night stand and that even his friend remembers it well despite not even knowing the girl's name and simultaneously was drunk. I only mention this not as a judgement of the friend's actions, but rather to explain why this conversation came up. Because sitting in my lap was a small infant boy, who I leaned over and rather emphatically told that that was the totally dumb and never ever lose your virginity in that manner.
I also recently read an article from Little Catholic Bubble's Leah discussing sex education. In it she tackles a sex educator and basically blasts her out of the water for teaching "safe sex" along with abstinence. Her point was that we need to hold kids to a higher standard and I agree with her.
There are many among us who didn't wait. And Hubby's of the opinion that we should teach our children along the same lines as our misguided sex educator. "Well, if they're going to do it. They should be responsible."
I totally disagree. Here's why:
If you ask a sober former drunk or drug addict how they would talk about drugs with their children, they would automatically tell their child not to even try drugs. I don't imagine in their language would they say "Well, dear, drugs are bad for you. But if your going to shoot up, please use a clean needle." No. They would talk about the damage it caused their life. They would talk about why it's not even worth it. It wouldn't make sense for them to discuss being sensible about it if they are going to do it. A drug addict would hold their children to a higher standard. They would expect that because their children know what drug addiction looks like and how hard remaining sober is that their children wouldn't even try drugs in the first place.
The same can be said of anyone whose committed sexual sin, if they really stop and give pause to the damage it's done to their life. I can't imagine this friend discussing sex with their child and saying that his first time was great and that if he had it to do over, it would be the same. No. I imagine he would have rather had been in at least a meaningful relationship instead of a one-night-stand. And I feel pain for him for having to explain why it was a mistake to his children.
But I hope that he doesn't turn around and say "Well, if you're going to do it anyway use protection." Which seems to be the norm in this society. We look at our sexual transgressions and know that they were harmful to us, yet we can't seem to expect our children to do better. Unlike our sober drug addict.
I hope you get the point that I'm trying to make here. It doesn't matter if you were married when you first had sex or you were in a relationship or you had a one-night stand. Children need to learn that the only meaningful sex is in a marriage and they also need to know that that's really the only acceptable path. Sex outside of marriage is damaging just like drugs are. It's just that sex outside of marriage is more emotional damaging than people are willing to acknowledge.