Monday, April 30, 2012

National Spank-Out Day

Today is National Spank-Out Day and so I blog about it with trepidation.  We don't spank our children.  I've never spanked a child.  Ever.  Not even when one of the parent's I was baby sitting for showed me where they kept the fly swatter and told me that I could use it.

Sometimes my husband brings it up.  "It would be so much easier if we could spank him just to get him to cry so he'll get into his car seat," he tells me.  But I firmly believe that spanking is a cop out especially when I can get him to let me strap him in by offering him a toy instead.

Don't get me wrong.  My oldest is not an angel.  Earlier today he hit me in the face with a toy and ended up having to go "cool off" in his room.  He's also prone to smacking me several times a day.  He's two.  He gets angry when I tell him no.  He lashes out on me.  There have been occasions where in order to pry out a bitten finger or nipple, we've had to resort to a few physical tactics.  But I wouldn't call it spanking because it's not a form of punishment as much as it is a defense.

But I won't spank him.  Ever.  He needs this kind of "strong will."  He needs it to be able to say no, he won't do drugs.  No, he won't steal.  No, he won't egg someone's house.  He needs to be able to stand up to people.  And I don't believe in breaking a child's will.  I also don't believe in blind obedience.  Even at two he knows the difference between a danger stop scream and a regular frustration one.

I know not everyone agrees with me on this one.  Most of my family/friends talk about spanking their own children.  I cringe when I read blog posts about them spanking their children because their child wouldn't take a nap.  It bothers me.  How can anyone strike a child?  When my father visited, he swatted my oldest's butt in frustration.  He doesn't know any better and it's become a habit.  I had to remind him not to do that.  Does that mean I'm a better parent then my dad?  No.  I just know my own kids better and myself better.  You have to train or re-train yourself to change what you've always done, what you've always been around.

I'm not a saint.  I do get angry too.  Hubby and I have had those kind of discussions before.  We know when we've reached our level 6 and are about do go over the edge.  We also grab the other one and say we need to step out and hide out to cool off.  This happened over the weekend for me.  After trying to make it clear, I told Hubby that HB was running out of patience, I was running out of patience, and Hubby who normally has a very low tolerance level would have to be the patient one.  He grabbed the boys and took them into their room for a game, and I got to enjoy some peace will cleaning up the dinning dishes.

You just have to know where your limits are and ask for help.  And there have been times when Hubby is not home that I have put on a movie, dropped the baby in the bassinet, and hid somewhere in the house just to blow off steam.

I know people don't think it can be done.  But it can.  You just have to decide for yourself.  Do you view your child's will power as being a good thing or a bad thing?  And how do you, as a parent, work situations from negative ones to positive.  Like with the car seat.  (I find it also helps to let my child run around before strapping him down.  He hates being confined for long periods of time.)

1 comment:

  1. Can I just say I wish I could do that second to the last paragraph part? It never fails when I do get pushed over the edge my daughter follows me, screaming in my face and gets (bodily) between me and whatever I'm trying to hide behind to cool off. Thankfully its not often anymore, but did a few days ago and I can't even remember how I got the whole situation defused. Thankfully I did, but... uggh.


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