Saturday, April 7, 2012

What the Manosphere is About?

Warning:  Talk of the Sexual Kind Ahead

Have you ever seen a Cosmo or a Redbook or other "ladies' magazine?"  Even if you've never gotten one by subscription or picked it for the recipes touted on the cover, I'm sure that you've seen one while waiting in line to check out at the supermarket.  You've seen the headlines:  Tips to Get Back into Shape for Bikini Season, Women's Health Scares, and of course How to Know if Your Man's Cheating and the ever popular 20 ways (or however many ways) to Please Your Man.

Most of the 20 ways are benign (back massages, making his lunch, sending him innuendos via e-mail); some of it's disturbing (tie you up, watch a porno, that sort of thing).

And it's been around for a while.  And like anything it's trickled on the internet.  Support groups for women with cheating spouses.  Feminists with "all men are dogs" attitudes.  Very demeaning stuff.

Introducing the "Manosphere" the male antithesis of Cosmo magazine.  Some of it's way harsh like the blogger going under the pseudonym Dalrock.  Many Catholics actively engage in discourse with this man since his target is often Christianity.  What Dalrock does it take a mismatch of different ideas and try to put it under one major heading.  He likes to group Catholics together without understanding that while most of us follow dogma there is much that is "up for grabs" on the belief train.  My husband doesn't like this about him.  He also thinks Dalrock is angry (and probably bitter).  So he stopped reading him.

Mr. Kay, on the other hand, who is the writer of Married Man Sex Life is more indicative of the vast majority of Manosphere bloggers.  He views his blog as being a forum for men who have been cheated on.  Or a place for married men (which he does promote) to figure out ways to amp up there sex life.  There's nothing wrong with this.  I don't see why men can't have something like that on the world wide web.  Surely if Cosmo exists why can't the Manosphere. 

The probably becomes when the bitterness comes out (or in the case of feminist bloggers emasculation).  When one is looking for answer to their gender's problems and they start hacking at the opposite gender, that's when I have a problem.  Mr. Kay says that 1/3 of his readers are female and he does deal with people who cheat.  However, the one thing he doesn't promote on his blog (or maybe I've missed it) is dialogue.  If you think your spouse is cheating, why don't you ask them?  You'd be surprised at how many people want to admit the problem.  But what if they don't admit it?  Then you have a bigger problem because the problem isn't about feeling lonely or neglected.  The problem is you no longer want your spouse.  You can also push for counseling if you think there's a problem too.  But Mr. Kay advocates things like spy ware and paternity testing.  That only uncovers the problem.  What about what happens afterwards?

And that's the downside of the manosphere.

The more insidious side is how man view women.  Here's is some of the terminology:

Blue pill:  The "feminist mantra" that men are evil and women are awesome
Red pill:  It's okay to be a man, and it's okay to like and want sex from women, you don't have to be ashamed about wanting sex and "ruining a beautiful flower"
Alpha:  Dominant male
Beta:  subservient male
Gamma:  A blend of alpha and beta
Delta:  I haven't quite figured this one out yet
Game: (for men) is simply learning how to trigger the underlying instinctive response in women through the use of techniques which allow a man to emulate an Alpha
Map: Male Action Plan- getting in shape to be more attractive to your spouse

The terminology reminds me of the Matrix meets Jane Goodall.  It's a bit disturbing in itself.  The terrible part is that it's all about the man trying to get in his wife/girlfriend's pants.  The bloggers talk about using game or MAP as a part of Game.

What I don't like about it is that it's overly simplistic.  As Mr. Kay points out most women are aware of Game and when we're being played.  I admit that I've played my own share of Game on my own husband when we were dating.  Call it the primordial soup.  It wasn't to get into his pants, however, it was to generate interest.  Which I suppose means that I eventually wanted to get into his pants, but whatever.

The whole Manosphere, in other words, is about men wanting sex and their frustrating lack of it.

So here's what I have to say to any guy interested in his spouse.  Ask her.  Be honest.  Open communication channels.  It's something men are sorely lacking in their Game.  Why?  Well, because women love to talk and.... and all women are different.  If you run your Game acting all Macho (that's my term for Alpha), then I wouldn't be at all interested in you.  Not one bit.  My skirts stay firmly on with the addition of duct tape.  Some women may like that.  But I don't.

And that's the problem with the Manosphere.  Just like the the feminists, you can't equate women with one-size-fits all.  We are not sluts or prudes.  Maybe they should talk to a few girls first.

So in closing, what's the manosphere about.  It's the backlash of the feminist movement.  But I say create a new movement where both sexes are honored and revered for their differences.  And not everything in life is about sex or the lack of it.  Let's talk about my favorite topic:  babies.  Perhaps that will keep a few whiny manosphere bloggers pants zipped up with duct tape.  Moving on...

1 comment:

  1. I became a victim of major bullying by these guys after I came upon one a blog post describing single women over 45 as "waiting around for death" and wrote a scathing response to the entry, which was both sexist and ageist. I am a writer, actress and astronomer who is very happy being single and has no interest in getting married. The notion that I was a useless nothing waiting for death was too offensive to not merit a response. Because I stood up to these guys and did so fervently and articulately, I was ganged up on by the blogger and his friends who hurled every possible insult at me, including nonsense that I was filling my "empty" life with astronomy to substitute for what I "really wanted," which they said was a relationship with a man. They had the nerve to call me "borderline obese," which I'm not, a "heffer," "butt ugly," etc. The degree of hate from them was downright scary. See for yourself here: http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/11/11/mining-the-comments-for-gold/

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