Tuesday, July 31, 2012

More MMSL Blather

Apparently my post about MMSL is extremely popular.  I get about 60 hits on it daily and it's ranked number four while searching for it on google.  I need to update it with some information about a real book that I think is good written by a woman who is a trained professional with 25 years experience.  This book is secular and it's extremely popular too.  Especially since there's like a new edition of it out.  It's called "Happily Married With Kids."  Maybe you've heard of it.  And unlike, Mr. Kay's junk, she doesn't advocate key stroke tracking software.  Ummel Lindquist devotes an entire chapter in her book just to affairs in marriages and more importantly how to affair proof you marriage.  Basically she says you should discuss boundaries.  She gives examples of four types of affairs.  And believe it or not the "I'm a playboy and always will be" is not a common one.  The other ones were the person sort of is persuaded into an affair and that sort of thing are more common and totally preventable if you discuss what's appropriate behavior among people of the opposite sex. 

But Mr. Kay is happy to announce that his crap is selling so well that he's quitting his day job.  :/

Here's my latest troll's comments from a person named Badger:
"Mr. Kay feels that women aren't to be trusted without strict checks on us."

You do know that women file 70% of divorces, right?

"If a person's going to cheat, they will anyway regardless."

Locks keep honest people honest.

I say troll because I seriously doubt any of the commenter actually intend to come back and respond.  They just read the individual post without knowing anything about me or my family and defend Mr. Kay's insane and asinine ideas.

Yes, women do file 70 percent of the divorces.  But a statistic thrown out randomly has no real meaning.  Because I hope that you also realize that statistically speaking the vast majority of domestic dispute cases involve women being beaten by men.  But hey, sure maybe (although I seriously doubt it) all 70 percent of those women divorced because they had an affair (which is what we're talking about right?).

Or....just maybe some of those cases don't involve affairs.  I had a male friend file for legal separation and his wife turned around and filed for divorce.  Who filed against who first?

My point was that women can't be trusted because Mr. Kay has some crazy notion that we're going to have affairs like all the play boys of yesteryear or that we're simply gold diggers.  Not true.  There exists a whole host of other reasons why women divorce.  Mostly, so I've heard, it's because they are unsatisfied with their marriage/husband.  But I've also heard it's because the husband has cheated, not the wife.

"Locks keep honest people honest"  really you should read that book that I mentioned.  There are numerous reasons why people fall into the affair trap.  Sometimes it's completely unintentional.  As Mr. Kay himself realized he was having an emotional affair with a co-worker.  His wife was aware of it without the paternity testing or key stroke monitoring.  When he realized that his lunch dates were dates, he stopped.  He knew that he had crossed a line.

The best thing he could have done was taken Ummel Lindquist's advice at the beginning of things and talked about a little thing called boundaries with his wife.  He and his wife could have set clear guidelines about what is acceptable and unacceptable about his dealings with other women.  Once he realized that his lunch dates weren't of the professional nature he could have ended them much sooner.

But hey, what do I know.  Unlike Mr. Kay, I've never had an affair, not even an emotional one.  And my husband doesn't need a lock on me.  I am, after all, not his property.  If he thought that I couldn't remain honest because I simply wanted to, then he should have married someone else.  This is the advice I give to anyone out there.  Marry them for their integrity.  Marry them because they strive to be honest and have fidelity towards you.  Talk about boundaries.  And don't worry about Mr. Kay's paranoid posts. 


  1. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that what a fan of his says is what he would say. Kay would say you should follow your gut when it comes to a cheating spouse (male OR female). If you suspect your spouse is cheating, more often than not they are. Kay would agree that most women who file for divorce do it because they're unhappy. I'm wondering if your opinion of him is defined more by what a small number of his fans say, and less about what he says.

  2. Here's an example of what he says. Note that at the very end he says this all applies to men as well.


    Note that after you've read a lot of his posts you start to realize that when he says "woman are likely to blah," what he really means is "a large number of women are likely to blah." Not, "every single women is more likely to blah."


I love to read your thoughts. Thanks for sharing!