Thursday, July 5, 2012

More Anon Poster Junk

 This was left in my comments box under the chicken hearted Anonymous:

Way to take things out of context. If my husband asked for a paternity test, I wouldn't be wasting my time blogging my anger. I'd be showing him every text message, email, Facebook message and anything else he wanted to see until his fears were alleviated. And then we'd have a frank chat about which behaviors touched off the fear.

And we'd negotiate change.

Mr Kay's blog isn't so powerful as to instill a frea like that merely by reading it. Your husband s much smarter than that. Give him a shred of credit. After all, it is a blog on fixing *broken* marriages.
First of all, you must be taking my post out of context (or you didn't read it thoroughly because you are blinded by anger).  I am not pregnant.  My husband is asking for a paternity test for something that hasn't even occurred.  He was doing so without cause.  And secondly, he got the idea from Mr. Kay.

I asked my husband if he felt like there was any reason that he thought I was cheating on him and he said no.  His reasons are based on Mr. Kay's thoughts not on actual suspicions.  If anything it was my husband who took Mr. Kay's words out of context, not me.

And if that wasn't clear in the original post, then my sincere apologies.

My point was that Mr. Kay is breeding suspicion where there is none.  I have no reason to disclose e-mails (I don't text message because I don't own a cell phone, and I rarely post anything to Facebook as it automatically posts any random likes from various articles).

If anything it is my husband who I should be suspicious of.  He has the cell phone, the office, leaves every day, etc..  I don't go anywhere by myself.  It would look awfully weird if I wasn't around.  And my neighbors would notice.

I think my husband is smart, in matters that he understand a great deal about, but when it comes to the inner workings of a marriage, every couple has to work together and learn from each other.  Unlike what Mr. Kay touts there is no one size fits all to a marriage.  None.  They are all uniquely different so we are all "stupid" when it comes to our own marriage as it a constant evolving and changing learning process.

I don't give him any credit.  Any trained clinician will tell you that you have to work on your problems together in what works uniquely for the both of you.  Mr. Kay's articles about spying on your spouse do not help the situation.  Especially if a marriage is only rocky from disagreements not from cheating.

Mr. Kay's blog may be about fixing "broken" marriages, but mine isn't broken.  Not perfect.  But not broken.  A counselor you meet face-to-face is better for that sort of thing anyway.  As I said, Mr. Kay's spying may be justification for realistic cheating, but for otherwise paranoid husbands/wives, it just breeds suspicion.  Perhaps he should talk about the signs of healthy marriages or something else and leave the clinical work to a trained professional.

1 comment:

  1. To be fair it does sound a bit like you announced another pregnancy in there lol... but they must not have read past that because nothing else said makes sense with your post.

    For the record I'd be upset about being asked to do that for no reason too. We have discussed the subject here from the angle of if certain characteristics from one side of my family pop up in one or more of our children it might be a good idea, not to reassure him but so we have backup to handle those who would accuse me of it. I'm totally ok with that because I know what it would say lol. But that's not the reason you gave here. As a control measure, that's scary.

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