Thursday, August 30, 2012

Front Lines: The Trolls Will Come Out to Play

My blog is now fifth on google when you type in "married man sex life."  So naturally it gets a lot of hits.  And it gets a lot of trolls.  I've decided to give up on the trolls.  It's like banging my head against the wall.  Nobody gets the point.

Recently Mr. Kay's blog has posted about a new "rule" of his in married life.  Take your spouse with you to out of state trips involving funerals and reunions.  He didn't give many specifics.  Only to say that the affair in question was out of the blue and that yes, he realizes that he sounds paranoid.

I realize that people are weak.  My husband says that I have a case of road rage when it comes to people blatantly doing stuff that will cause them or others great bodily harm.  Stupid motorcycles who don't wear helmets (despite it being totally illegal).  People honking when it's illegal to do so unless there's imminent danger.  Bicyclists who ride on the walking path when they should legally be using the bike path or worse not using hand signals and suddenly turning right next to you.  Cars who pull up and stop on the box clearly marked "do not stop...train zone."  I suppose I have road rage.  It's more like I have a great deal of frustration for people who are clearly doing things that are harmful.

Other people are weak when it comes to sex, but that doesn't mean that we should start babysitting our spouses.  There is a thing called "trust" that is an important component of marriage (like all relationships).  Marriage, in my mind, should be the most trust-filled relationship that you have with another human.  If you don't have trust in that person and that person doesn't have trust in you, then your relationship is falling apart and it's time for counseling. 

While I feel for people's pain over cheating (believe it or not I have been cheated on but not while married), I believe that marriages can move past cheating.  I also believe that you can't spend your whole marriage in fear.  Sometimes you have to trust that it won't happen, but if it does, not to let it completely kill you.  A marriage is a relationship but it doesn't define who you are as a person.  If you can't maintain your own self-worth and own self-dignity within a marriage to the point that if cheating does happen that you eventually move on or through it, then you are in a dependent not interdependent marriage.  Being in a dependent marriage is not healthy.

But on that one of my comments on the subject of MMSL sucking...a troll came out to play in response to Somebody needs prayer.

x1134x writes:  Just like it is creul [sic] not to put a dog down that has rabies. You choose the option that requires the least amount of suffering. Just like shooting a lame horse. If you can detect down's syndrome at 8 weeks, you can save that "human being" a LOT of suffering. Down's syndrome is suffereing [sic]. Sure, not ever second of every day, but more suffering than happiness. They virtually all require open heart surgery as infants: Suffering. They see that they are different and cannot participate in life like normal people do: Suffering. They are made fun of and watch their FAMILY be made fun of: Suffering. I know they can rise above it, a dog can also live a long time with rabies if you just pen it up and give it food and water. But the suffering is lessened if you put it down. Just because life is sacred doesn't mean you don't shoot a person being mauled by lions when you only have one bullet.

First of all, not all animals are treated equally.  I know a lot of pet owners who have their dog's leg amputated, but don't euthanize the dog.   Why?  Because the dog is their pet.  So it's not all "just like shooting a lame horse."

Furthermore, people are not to be treated like animals.  You can't tell me that a horse is like a dog is like a person.  And if you don't shoot dogs for being lame like you do horses, how can you say the same for humans?  It's not logical.

But okay...let's tackle suffering.  Humans suffer.  Sorry.  We all suffer.  I suffer from a bum liver.  I have poor eye sight.  My husband is going bald.  To be human is to suffer.  Maybe my charitable meter is broken....but...Get over it.  Call it me suffering.

Have you talked to a person with Down Syndrome?  Seriously.  They don't do anymore suffering because of a heart condition than any other person who has a heart condition.  I'm sure one of my friend's whose heart's electrical pathways are messed up would say she suffers but likes being alive.  To suffer is to be human.  If you did talk to a person with DS, you would know that they are happy.  More happy than suffering.  Because as humans we have a choice, to offer up our sufferings and suffer with dignity or to whine and complain and be miserable about it.  People with DS are joyful.  They teach us much from that joy about suffering than you can possibly fathom.  To kill them is to kill off a lesson you haven't clearly learned.

"They are seen as different and cannot participate in life like normal people do."  Apparently you don't know anyone with DS.  People with DS get married.  People with DS have jobs.  People with DS live independent lives.  I really don't understand why you think they aren't living normal lives.  And really what is a normal life anyway.  Everyone's life is unique.

"They are made fun of and watch their FAMILY being made fun of."  Sure if you live in the land of highschool.  Bullying and harassment are illegal.  And we as a society have such an aversion to people with DS that we allow this thing to perpetuate.  Ordinary people are bullied and made fun of in society.  I was one of them and I don't have DS.  But then you grow up.  And the bullies of the world need to grow up too.  I can't buy that a person should die simply to allow the bullies of the world to continue what they are doing.  The bullies should be punished not the those living with DS or their families.  But go ahead.  Punish the person who is who they are through no fault of their own.  Instead of punishing those who are at fault.

About the lions and bullet analogy...yes, valuing life is just that.  You cannot end someone's life on your own even if they are being mauled by lions (which a person with DS is not as I have illustrated).  That is God's choice.  Suffering has meaning.  And if you can't see that, then I feel for you.  Persons with DS have much to teach the world and we "normal" people have much to learn from them. 


  1. I'm sorry you see my whole-hearted opinion as an attempt to get a reaction. I'm simply trying to explain common sense to you. When 9 out of 10 diagnosed down's syndrome babies are chosen to be aborted, you can see that its quite a consensus, and you are the one on the outside looking in. Its hardly a trolling position.

    No society would find a person guilty of murder, judge them as evil, or find them disrespectful of the sanctity of life if they shot the mauled person with their one bullet, just as society doesn't judge the 9 out of 10 women who choose to abort their down's syndrome embryos. I stand and applaud their humanity in making such a difficult decision to reduce overall suffering.

  2. And of course consensus = right and just, no? If everybody's doing it, then it must be okay? That's exactly the rationale used by the Germans under Hitler to justify not standing up for the defenseless. It's exactly the rationale used to justify slavery (and later, Jim Crow laws) in the antebellum South.

    Once you decide that a segment of society, whether due to a physical characteristic, an ethnicity, a medical condition, or any other arbitrary Thing, is "lesser" it becomes very easy to determine that their lives aren't worth living. It's a very dangerous place to be...and it can turn on you in an instant. Beware.

  3. No German soldier used the excuse "Everybody's doing it". It was "I was under orders" which is quite a different thing.

    Right or wrong in this case is an individual decision. 9 out of 10 agree with me. That doesn't make their decision "right" nor does it make the 1 of 10 "wrong". The point was made to you that the opposite opinion of yours is not a radical view put forth for emotional baiting (trolling) but a statement of a well-thought-out, painstakingly arrived at opinion.

    1. It is trolling. You never responded to the actual points behind the original post. Instead you picked out one line and went with it.

      If it is indeed an individual decision, than why do you think it's fine that that decision is being made on behalf of someone else? As someone pointed out parents have some rights over their children, but these are limited rights. One cannot simply lock their children up in the basement. Why can a mom (and not even say a dad) decide to kill their child? Why does she have the right to determine the value of another human being?


I love to read your thoughts. Thanks for sharing!