Thursday, December 6, 2012

No that ain't a little man in a red hat

For those of you who do not like "girly gross" posts.  Please move along. 

For those of you who understand that I am female and have periods and have a sense of humor about it, please stay.

Some things I can't stand while blogging are reading things about menstrual cups making women's period regular.  That's wrong.  Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.  It's not that your period is irregular.  It's not that your cycle is even irregular.  I've learned as an adult and now grimace at the people who taught me wrongly...that it's when you ovulate that varies.  The rest of your cycle is pretty regular.  Your period shows up approximately 12-15 days after.  The varying part is not within you.  It varies between women.  But if you're say a 14 day woman, then after you ovulate, your period will always always always show up 14 days later.

That's why the midnight run to the store for tampons thing drives me nuts.  Because charting should be something all women do for health reasons.  And then the guess work of when your period will show up (minus the post partum part) is virtually non existent.

Then there's the thing my husband keeps claiming which has been proven scientifically to be untrue.  You do not get all wanting-sex-crazed when you ovulate.  There are times when you feel that way for a variety or reasons at various parts of you cycle.  I had a roommate you said she had a most difficult time controlling herself around her then-boyfriend during her period. 

But I will say that during certain cycles for whatever reason I feel like doing a massive cleaning/organizing of the apartment.  Do other women feel that way?  Other times it feels like drudgery.  So I try to take advantage of the spurt of energy.

And for those of you who are approaching or have endured...I have at least 15 years if I follow my mom...Merry Menopause.

Look at the link on the left:  It's Called Here Comes Menopause

Here comes menopause,
Here comes menopause,
Right down menopause lane.
Up with the blankets,
Down with the blankets,
Hot flashes night and day.
Who�s the stranger screaming at me,
standing in my house.
No one ever told me
P M S meant PUNISH MY SPOUSE.

�Here comes menopause,
I love menopause
Here comes menopause whoopee! menopause� *
*(sung by ladies chorus in backround)
It�s hormonal, not eternal
It�s the change of life.
Spare me all your medical bull,
Just give me back my wife.
She�s plucking � shaving�waxing
Like she�s never done before.
I�m sharing all her prozac now
Cause life�s just one big bore.

�Here comes menopause
Kegel exercises
Here comes menopause
(Peed my pantyhose)�*
*(sung by ladies in backround)
Why is menopause
not called womenpause
HEY it�s not our fault.
She wants a backrub,
I need whiskey
We�re like sugar and salt.
They say someday she�ll be back,
Just like she was before.
But sex has long gone out the window,
Old age is at the door.

**�Here comes menopause,
Here comes menopause,
Right down menopause lane.
Up with the blankets,
Down with the blankets,
Hot flashes night and day.
Who�s the stranger screaming at me,
Standing in my house.
No one ever told me
P M S meant PUNISH MY SPOUSE.�
(This final section sung in unison by men�s chorus.)

The � * � (beginning second and third stanza) could all be:

Here comes menopause,
Here comes menopause,
Right down menopause lane.

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