Friday, November 1, 2013

Broken

1) About a month ago, a friend of mine who I haven't spoke to in ages sent me an e-mail asking how I was and updating what was going on with her.  I haven't replied.

At first it was because things were going 90 miles an hour with Hubby here and then gone repeatedly for work.  But then it because insanely depressing.  And I didn't have the heart to reply.  Either I could fake happiness or I could dump a sh*t ton of misery on her.  Still haven't responded.  I feel frozen or broken and haven't the foggiest idea how to proceed.  How exactly do I explain everything from the beginning to her without overwhelming her or crapping on her happiness (she's engaged)?

2) I haven't been able to talk about this.  It was too hard to.  Instead I buried it as best as possible and made off like normal.  Except it wasn't normal.

HB had a broken arm.

My husband inadvertently broke his arm. 

And naturally CAS, which is the Canadian equivalent of CPS or DCF, showed up in the form of a case worker along with two police officers on a glorious Saturday while I was still in my PJs with a cold.

What exactly happened was my charming child kicked his younger brother in the face.  My husband picked him up to separate him and hastily and awkwardly (while my son thrashed about) swung him over the arm of the couch in order to put him on the couch.  Except he landed awkwardly.

He complained at first that his elbow hurt.  Showing no other outward signs we waited several hours.  Figuring he must have popped it out or something, Hubby took him to the ER.  Instead his arm was broken.

He's spent the last month on strict orders to limit his activity (a joke right?).  But the bones fused back together.  He didn't need surgery or a cast.  They gave him a sling to use when around others.  But otherwise he's fine now.

3) This was right before my husband had to leave.  My dad, thankfully, purchased a ticket and stayed 10 days with us so I could gather my sanity and deal with things.  Things I didn't cause or create.  But I was forced into agreeing to.  Things like not leaving my children with my husband alone for an entire week.  Most of which he was gone for anyway.  But I couldn't go anywhere without the kids because I know zero people.  So dad came up.

I spent a lot of time on the internet as a result.  You've heard the nightmare stories I'm sure.  I went full blown worst case scenario and looked up everything from the Canadian charter to the UN Convention (of which they are a signer).  And concluded that if Canada had the balls to remove my children, they had to notify the US Consulate in Toronto.  Because I was NOT having my children living somewhere in Canada in a foster person's home away from people that they know and are comfortable with.  According to the UN, person's of a State are allowed to return to that State.  It would violate my children's rights not to repatriate them or give them access to US officials.  And I was going to make damn sure that the CAS worker knew that or I would raise hell.

It's that whole mother bear thing that went full tilt.  Throw me in a Canadian jail.  But if you EVER deny my children access to their home country, well I will not rest until that issue is resolved.  I can handle a lot more than they can.

4) The case worker at first wanted Hubby to go to anger management.  Which is really quite funny.  My husband is the least likely of the two of us to flip out.  I usually throw my hands up in the air and hide.  But I'm the less emotionally controlled of us.  Hubby is the rock.  So you see the hilarity in it.  My husband in anger management?  He's not that sort of person.  Even though I've repeatedly gotten onto him about picking up the boys by the torso not the arms (which I see everyone doing despite it being harmful), he's actually always tried to be careful with them.  Heck, we don't even spank them. 

In the end, after bugging her about resources to help curb our child's behavior (another blog post perhaps), she sent Hubby an e-mail announcing that after speaking to her supervisor they are dropping us from their case load.  We should be getting an official letter in the mail.

Do I breathe a sigh of relief?  Yes and No.  Yes, because it's over.  Accidents happen they are used to that.  We just add to the load.  But no.  I think it's a bit terrorizing these days.  Parents living in fear of making any tiny mistake will land them in jail.  Forget your child's lunch?  Call CPS.  Break their arm while playing with them?  Call CPS.  And the craziness is that I'm a mandatory reporter in the states.  I'm supposed to report all this crazy sh*t.  And I've done it.  Even though my gut tells me there's nothing to it really.  Because if you don't, you get into trouble.  So instead we've bred this system of fear.  You get into trouble for not reporting.  And as a parent you get into trouble when you aren't abusive at all.  Yes, I get it's hard to weed out the real abusers from those who aren't.  But it still makes my stomach turn to hear news stories.  So I've grown to trust government less.

Hence my mounting cynicism and dislike of Canada.  Or rather heavy homesickness.

Part two.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my goodness! That must have been so scary for you guys. I can just imagine how worried sick you were. And I'm so, so glad that they ended up seeing it was an accident, because with kids accidents do happen (and with some kids they happen a lot!).

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