Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Struggle with Self-Care

Forgive me if I sound a bit rambling.  This is one of those topics that is difficult to put into words.

As parents, as moms one of the things we struggle with the most is self-care.  It's easy to joke about the last time I brushed my teeth or took a shower, but it isn't healthy. 

Outside of hygiene there's also the mental.  In my state of life I juggle a lot of balls.  I'm the one who does the doctor's appointments, makes the cookies for the teachers, and puts together birthday parties all around the holidays.

For HB's third party, it was a disaster.  Not just the cake getting eaten by birds, but mentally I was at the end of my rope.  So my husband agreed that he would actually pitch in and help.  Knee's third party was much, much, much better.

The thing is you can't do it all alone.  And you have to make space for yourself.  Unfortunately this means less and less is given to my husband.  I've tried to explain that I can't simply drop the ball all the time for him.  It's unfortunate that the kids come first, but their needs at this point are greater.  HB's got issues, and Knee isn't quite there yet either.  We finally are getting break throughs in potty training. 

I feel bad for my husband, but it just isn't possible.  He's an adult.  He can stand having to pitch in and taking care of himself from time to time.  As I explained, I don't have to pack his lunch for him.  He's more than capable.  Whereas HB making his own lunch....well it wouldn't be a very complete lunch.  He's not even five yet. 

I on the other hand need sleep.  Need hobbies.  Need to go shopping by myself because it literally is the only time I am separated from the children.  I need the mental respite.  I need the extra help until the kids can get over the hump and are able to do things like wipe their own butts. 

People might think this is selfish.  But you can't give what you don't have.  You can't give peace if you don't feel peaceful.  You can't give love if you don't get love.  You have to take care of yourself in order to be at your best for the best people in your life. 

So all I can do is apologize to my husband and say he's going to have to wait for life to get a little bit easier before he gets more time with me.  In the meantime I have to take care of myself and he can help with that by not getting offended that I can't give more.  I'm only human.

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