Thursday, November 19, 2015

Please, Fellow Church Goers, Don't Do This!

I've seen something and experienced some things that made my eye brows raise up.  I'm sure you have too.  So with great charity, if you didn't know, now you do.

1) Wearing Che Guevara- My Church is Catholic.  And as such we oppose communism.  Putting your adorable 18 month old (?) in a t-shirt with Che Guevara on the front says either 1) I support communism.  2) I'm being "fashion forward" without thinking about what it means or 3) I came to church with my son because my mom begged me to.  In any case, have a little respect and choose a different t-shirt.  Thanks! :)

2) Selling images of Jesus next to....Frida Carlo- I have no idea who sanctioned this train wreck.  But in that same vein Frida Carlo was a communist.  She also had a couple of abortions.  Not exactly someone whose life you want to imitate.  I'm hoping next time my church has someone set up a booth that they will request that the images be ones of saints and not cross-dressing bi-sexual irreligious persons.  Mm Kay?

3) Selling stuff in the narthex-  Last Sunday my non-Catholic husband looked at the display of crafts and said "didn't Jesus get upset with people for selling stuff in the temple?"  While technically there's no pronouncement not to do this, it's generally frowned upon because it gives a bad impression.  We're here to worship.  This isn't a flea market.

4) Using cell phone/checking cell phones during Mass- Okay there are good reasons to do this if there's a family emergency, you are a first responder, you have visual issues so reading along requires magnification for examples.  But in general please put the phones away.  Texting during Mass is generally speaking a big no, no.  I'm trying to charitable and not think the worst of you.

5) Wedging your hand into mine during the Our Father- First of all Mass is communal worship so it's really redundant to hold hands during the Our Father.  That said there's no official pronouncement against it, but some bishops would prefer that you didn't.  Why?  Well holding hands is an American thing.  Canadians and other nationalities don't do that sort of thing.  You are kinda making some foreigners feel weird.  And some people don't like it.  I'm thinking off the top of my head of people with OCD and autism.  So let's be charitable and not try to wedge your hand into someone who already has their hands prayerfully clasped.  Kay?

6) Literally holding them up to the Lord- This too is one of those things the bishops never officially squashed.  There's nothing wrong with holding one's hands up to the Lord, but...(yes, there's a but) the priest is in the person of Christ.  It makes you look like you are the priest making the offering instead of the guy hanging out at the altar when you do that during Mass.  Yes, I realize some people didn't grow up Catholic.  Some people are very charismatic.  But I thought you should know if someone is raising an eyebrow or two why we think it just looks bad.  If you need help in this department, look to the deacon.  We're to imitate him and usually he's got his hands always clasped together for those parts.

7) Giving blessings during Mass- This is mostly for the Extraordinary Ministers (EMs).  You aren't the priest and not a deacon.  You can't give babies blessings while distributing.  Blessings outside of Mass are fine, but inside of Mass it's one of those usurping-the-priest's-job thingies.  Just so ya know.  And yes, I will avoid your line if I think that you are going to give my children a blessing.  I'm trying to help you avoid sin.  You're welcome.

8) Wearing Red Lipstick while taking the Precious Blood- This is for us linen people's benefit. It is extremely difficult to get that particular shade out of the altar cloths.  We can't make pronouncements on this sort of thing since it's considered uncharitable. That said I don't think women are aware that it stains so badly which is why I've brought it up here.  I feel like if women did know they wouldn't have a problem blotting or wearing a different shade.  I certainly didn't know until my mom was involved in this ministry.  Red wine is hard enough to get out (and requires a special soaking process in case its been consecrated).  This has been a public service announcement from the linen washers.

I hope you enjoyed my tongue-in-cheek post.  Thanks in advance!

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