In which I go to an exercise class and meet Envy. Dang.
This morning my husband got a bit concerned when I mentioned that my arms were a bit sore but I was going to the gym anyway. "Don't you think you are overdoing it?" "I need to get back on schedule. It's okay. I'll lay off the weights. The class is cardio so.... Besides I won't work out on Thursday."
Well little did I know that the class is cardio....with weights. So I grabbed the one pound weights because I don't need any more injuries. Everything was fine. Besides the instructor and myself the rest of the participants were retirees. The instructor was rather curvaceous and there were a couple of retirees who could totally kick my out-of-shape butt. So I didn't feel like a total idiot for being there.
The class was good and she gave some suggestions for low-impact alternatives. You must understand that I am the most uncoordinated person on the planet. I cannot do the bouncing without loosing my ever-hating-me balance. I cannot suddenly add things into the exercise we're doing. I'm not a visual learner. I'm kinesthetic and auditory. So while you're counting down or encouraging me, it does me very little good unless you either explain or physically move me. I dread the words "watch me." I'm sorry. I can watch you, but that doesn't mean I understand you. I have to figure it out and thus I look foolish at the beginning of every stinking exercise class I've ever been too. I like repetition because it's literally the only way I pick up on exercises. And looking at myself in the exercise mirror to correct myself? Nope. I ignore those things because like I said I feel my way into the moves. Seeing doesn't help. I spent the vast majority of the class thinking "why do those mirrors exist? Oh, that's right because most people are visual and I am not." So you can imagine how much non-visual learners hate learning new exercises. We hate it so much that we avoid it or doing it around other people.
So here I am 10 minutes into the class thinking "okay. I haven't tripped up too bad for the first class. I'm doing alright" when Envy walked in under the guise of two young women. I hate you 7 cardinal sins. You suck. I try to avoid you but find you are hiding out at the gym. Urgggg!
They were coordinated. They could bounce without falling over. They were in-shape and doing the harder exercises. And they were skinny. Can the earth open up and I sink into it? Must I always compare myself to others and find I wish I was like them. Hell, I used to be like them.
But I strove to both exercise and exercise my bad thoughts. Mentally I oscillated from ignoring them, chiding myself for being ridiculous, and having charitable thoughts like "good for them that they've kept up with it."
I hate exercise, but I'm not giving it up. Nope. I firmly believe that the devil wants me to quit and fall back into sloth. So Sts. Paul and Sebastian, and the Infant of Prague pray for me!