Tuesday, May 10, 2016

The Love/Hate Relationship I have with NFP

Warning: If you don't like discussions involving reproductive organs and body fluids, feel free to skip this post.

My husband and I have had rows over NFP.  And I've boiled to the crux of the arguments to this: I lack gives a (insert your own expletive here). 

My husband is adamant about not wanting more children.  He has his reasons of which are rather reasonable on the face of them.  He's even had a priest give us spiritual counseling in the matter and the priest agreed that his reasons were good.  I don't share the sentiment, but I respect them.  To me it matters not if I have another child or not.  Either at this point is fine.  Maybe this is me being open to life and maybe this is my husband exercising what he sees as responsible parenthood.  We are both right in this.

Needless to say because he's so adamant, he's the one who wants to use NFP with perfect precision.  But I don't care and I'm not a perfectionist.  It's not an important thing on my radar.  I have no motivation to use it even if my husband does.

Now you may be thinking "well your motivation should be your husband's desires."  And you would be right except I'm more motivated to get my husband to join me to the dark side so to speak of lackadaisical-ness.  I'm also the one who has to essentially do all the foot work and he does nothing whereas he's the motivated one and I am not.  Seems backwards doesn't it?

But I'm a descent wife and I agreed to a class on Creighton.  It was introductory.  We knew all that stuff to begin with so she sent us home with charts and a book.  After skimming the book, I wanted to hurl it to the back of the closet and have it not see the light of day.

"This is not what I call 'easy'," I told my husband.  "This requires way too much effort."

See here's the problem well illustrated for you this morning:
In the method, you have to fold your toilet paper and wipe before you use the facilities and again after.  Then you have to observe the "biological markers."  Translation: stare at the toilet paper and try to determine what if anything is on it.

This morning I came in from my jog dashing to the bathroom in great haste as I had to go and was holding it.  Therefore, no wiping prior.  To take the time would have led to *clears throat* an accident.  In the midst of this, my four year old pushes the door open and let's me know that he's missing a toy that he wants me to go find.  This is normal.  Privacy in the house is minimal and what little there is usually involves impatient children (one who is four and the other autistic) to bang and whine and cry on the other side of it.  If they can't see you, they think you need lots of racket.  Moving on, I close the door back and in the most pleasant voice I can muster after having worked out and not even getting a chance for a warm down stretches said "I need some privacy, thank you."  To which he burst into tears and made a run for his bed where he often goes and hides when he's upset.  Meanwhile my husband hearing this tries to explain that I was using the toilet. 

I'm lucky if I get to wash my hands, let alone fold and stare at tp and pick at it with my fingers.  As you can imagine, we've had interesting conversations at my house about the contents of my toilet.  Many of which include the four year olds concern that I'm hurting because of the particular color at the bottom. 

Do I really want to also give them a crash course in female biology by having them peer at other body fluids should they decide to waltz right in?  No, not when I'm trying to get them to give my privacy, which ironically they both demand for themselves.

"Okay" my husband agrees.  He sees my point.  This is yet again a very invasive method.  I also requires you to remember what was on the toilet paper and at the end of the day mark something down.  There's coding you need to memorize too.  Coding?  For mucus?  And they expect you to perform active Kegal exercises, which the last time I gave birth the midwife said were useless that you should just do squats. 

For the record, I also hate charts because it usually involves my husband peering at them (paper or electronic as I've done both) and making various noises.  Not very dignifying. 

Now don't get me wrong.  If there was some health reason for using a chart, I'd be all over it.  But my cycles haven't indicated any reproductive problems.  It was the temps that said my thyroid was problematic, but there isn't any temp taking in Creighton.  For the record, I never cared for temps either because it involves me getting up at the same time every morning and peering at a screen in the blinding light of the early morning bathroom. 

Isn't there some method in which a person does exactly 1 thing every day?  Isn't there some sort of method that doesn't really involve charts with stamps (and obnoxious noises)?  I think there is but my husband thinks it's too pricey and of course there's the whole "will the most unmotivated member of this coupling actually consistently use it or not".  Realistically?  Not.

But I've agreed to go talk to the expert.  Maybe she will find something that is so easy that I will virtually have to do nothing because as it stands that's about all the effort I'm willing to do. 

And if you think my motivation is weird in this area, I assure you it's like this in most aspects of my life.  The reason I take my thyroid pill in the morning is because I like me better on it than not on it.  I have a good reason for it.  Going to the dentist on a regular basis and things of that nature?  Not so much either.  Hubby had to basically read me the riot act for days to go to the dentist this last time.

So now that I've thrown it all out there: discuss.  Maybe this lady will come up with something.  Maybe you have an idea.  Maybe we can all agree that throwing NFP out the window is not a terrible thing to do and Hubby should join the dark side of this.  But I think Hubby and I have had enough of this impasse we've been living under.

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